The weekend was great. I got to spend a lot of alone time with each of my children. I went out to lunch today with Dylan, our toddler, and the waiter looked at me in pity. As if I were a single father. Or maybe that was my own self consciousness. I stayed home with Harper while the girls trekked to Brooklyn Flea yesterday. They had Momofuku, I had a tuna fish sandwich. I'm not sitting here complaining. I just spent a lot of time at parks this weekend. With other parents who seem to all know each other. Like they all went to high school together and planned to have kids at the same time and be at this park this weekend. And still, no Jay-Z. Dude, that would make my day. All and all, I have no idea what it's like to really be a single parent. It's just that time away from the rest of your family feels isolating no matter which kid I'm with. Because it's my wife that inspires my intellect. And as much as I love to hang out at a park, it gets old especially when I have to parent other kids. (My biggest pet peeve). Well, one thing remained consistent this weekend. My carrot, apple, ginger juice from Nectar.
22 comments:
I only wish being a single parent meant a little solitude.
I guess a little more solitude is something we all wish for, thanks for the comment. dz
The author isn't a single parent. He isn't even "like" a single parent. Obviously he has no idea what being a single parent is like.
Why do so many married spouses like to equate time alone with their kids to being a single parent? It's really annoying.
I say that in this post that I have no idea what it's like to be a single parent,
(squinting) I think you're fixing a rather negative connotation on being a single parent. It's really not all that isolating at all. Some of us (gasp!) quite happily chose this lifestyle. Having been a married parent and a single parent, I can tell you I much prefer being a single parent. After 9:30 or so, my life is my own and I have complete solitude. And I can be sure that my housemates will one day outgrow their issues, which isn't true if you have a spouse.
I'm not trying to make a negative connotation to being a single parent at all. That actually sounds kind of awesome to me to have your nights free after 9:30, I hear different things, I not saying anything really because I don't know what it would be like, I'm comparing my life to something that I can't really compare it to. But that's what we do. I'm not judging anyone. I'm not saying either way is better. All I'm saying is that sometimes since I've had 2 kids, I felt like what I think it would feel like to be a single parent. DZ
Iam insulted by this, I am a single mother of twins one with a disability .Time a lone with your kids every day for going on 13 years. get over yourself
Being a single parent is about solitude _and_ loneliness. Being a single parent is about not knowing who will cook a meal for your kids when you fall ill. It's about cooking meals all the same, even when you're about to faint, throw up or crack down.
It's about not knowing who the children can/may/will live with if anything happens to you.
It's about fear of unemployment, about the question "If Kid A falls ill in the middle of the night, what on earth will I do with Kid B?". It's about solving every single problem on your own, buying everything you need on your own.
It's about tearing yourself apart in order to attend events and appointments at work _and_ two different schools, it's about never being able to eat properly for years on end, because you're the only one to help the kids with their meals. And cleaning up their mess while you're at it.
It's about needing solitude, wanting company and getting loneliness after 9:30 pm. It's about being on twitter because Real Life is out of reach.
Oh, and it's also about asking total strangers to take a photo of you and your kids, because otherwise years will pass without you getting any of those.
I get it. Have 2 is nothing like being a single parent. http://brooklynrockerdad.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-having-2-is-nothing-like-being.html
Bloody Whinger! You should be grateful for having children!
What I hear is an appreciation of having a spouse born of time without her. As a single parent, I believe a little bit of that could have saved my marriage.
So be proud of this post - it's something to celebrate :)
nice jo jo, thanks, now I don't feel as though I have to hide under the sand so to speak :) dz
holy heck!
i was a single parent, to 3, for a while in some horrible circumstances that I'm not going to go into. being alone in that situation was exhausting, i felt like I couldn't do anything right, the kids were often late to school. it was heartbreaking.
but i am not, in the slightest, upset at dz's post. he is musing, being poetic. not literally saying that he knows, after a few hours, how it feels to be a single parent with all the fears and stresses that go with it.
i like his writing and i don't really understand why people are so territorial about their sufferings.
being a single parent does suck, and when I was no longer single it felt like i had come back to shore after being lost at sea.
but i know that we haven't all had the same experiences and if someone like dz has to preface any little comment he makes with elaborate explanations in order to protect single parents' feelings... that gets boring and weird!
thanks for sharing celee, dz
And thanks for the poetic support celee :) DZ
dude. I can't believe the hostility from some of your (single parent) posters, DZ. People be trippin.
PS I like your blog.
Dude. Jessica, I know, but everyone's entitled to their opinion.....people tend to interpret things the way they wish, thanks for reading JS xx DZ
I replied to your comment as my own comment. So check that yo xx DZ
i like the way you handled the commentary-I am a grandmother now,and i love to hear what the new parents are talking about---i would have loved the internet back when my girls were small---it's great to be able to share and discuss so much.At one point I was a single parent,so I understand some of what the posters were saying,but i really appreciate the way you handled your replies!! Great Blog!
@workinpants thank you...i appreciate the feedback...dz
Hi Dan.
I found your commentary to be a loving dedication to your family (even though I did check it out because of the odd subject line of your post!).
Together you are a family. That's a beautiful thing. I would suggest just doing things all together (when feasible) and not feeling a particular compulsion to have 'special time' with each daughter individually. With my kids (either with or without my husband as his work demands allowed), I always like the group action and interactions. That togetherness is a good thing to foster, possibly more so than those special one-on-one times. My experience is also that the latter sneaks in at wonderfully unexpected moments and is much dearer than any planned 'bonding' time. Enjoy!
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